I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
