Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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