He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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