You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There was a lot of him and a little penis
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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