I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize