So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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