You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
