How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
