if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
