I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
