Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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