Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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