I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
