She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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