everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
