I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
