My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
