Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
