Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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