if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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