Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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