You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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