Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
