When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
birth control should be required to get into college
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
