Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
