Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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