so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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