is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you are never too drunk for berry picking
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
