a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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