yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
