My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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