I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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