remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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