Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
