I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
