One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
babies were throwing up all over the place
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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