I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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