It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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