Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
