we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Naked Twister starts at high noon
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
