Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
