I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So much rum. So many feels.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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