just come out here and I will go home with you...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
