Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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