do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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