he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
