just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
