Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
