The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
