I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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