Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
