Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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