Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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