just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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