We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just want nice things and good sex
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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