And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
