How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
