Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
