he told me I talked like a deaf person
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
