Got a toothbrush?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize