He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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