I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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