I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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