if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
