This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
