You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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