The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
