it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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