winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
