he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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