Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
