the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
