Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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