Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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