I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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