Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
