Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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