I'm going to jail i love you
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
